At Barbansais we have a large expanse of grass. Quality-wise it's more of a field than a lawn. You can be sure that efforts to remedy that would be frustrated by moles. Every so often we stand in dumb rage staring at their nocturnal ravages and rush off to finger the multitude of anti mole potions and devices on the DIY shop shelves. There are so many to choose from and all are declared useless by those who have tried them. According to neighbours strychnine soaked worms are the only sure solution although one friend swears by clobbering them with bricks.

You can imagine then how much I sympathise with the poor German chap who electrocuted himself this week when he connected a high voltage power supply to a row of metal stakes that he had driven into the heart of the moles' galleries. In case you get the wrong impression it wasn't our moles he was after.

Some years ago I was kept awake by grey squirrels running around in my loft. It took months and the failure of lots of cunning catching devices before the problem was solved by blocking every orifice with inedible glass fibre to keep them out. It was illegal to kill them so even if you did catch them you had to let them go and of course they would just make their way back into your nice cosy loft. I've loathed the little creatures ever since.

I was surprised then, but pleased, when gunshots around the cottage I was in with friends near Hawick turned out to be the local gamekeeper exterminating grey squirrels. It seems that if you are in an area where red squirrels are being driven out by grey ones you can kill the little beasts. I call that enlightened. I wonder if there's a bounty?

Back in the land of culture and refinement the mini movie I appear in in Charmaine's pursuit of a Bafta (well a sort of mini Bafta) is now on the web. Go to Bafta 60 Seconds and browse the film gallery (Scottish region) to marvel at "Cold" by Yerkelmarr. The comments viewers have left are at least as entertaining as the film.

If the film seems short don't worry she's planning a "director's cut" and these as I'm sure you know are always much longer, and naturally much more satisfying - for the director at least.