Life in the country can be crude and rude. The various village ducks and hens that forage around our property don't rush back to their coops when taken short but relieve themselves on our land. Their lavatory of choice in recent days has been the doorstep. Fortunately the dog who occasionally comes by to do business prefers grass to granite.

I expect zombies can be crude and rude and I'm sorry to be missing the chance to meet up with them on my other doorstep in the Brad Pitt blockbuster to be shot in Glasgow in August. For those who are free here's the call for extras.