Tangled up in the war against terrorism and money laundering today.

I decided to open a savings account with the bank that I've had a current account with for over 40 years. I went on-line. That needs three separate passwords so you'd think they had some authentication of who I was when I got through. I filled in the form as best I could. Like most computer forms it really needed a box where you could write an essay explaining why the answers you'd given were not quite the answers you'd have given if their form hadn't been modelled on a strait-jacket.

So today I got a letter. OK life can't be paper-free, they need a signature.

The letter also said, and I quote "We are required by law to confirm the identity and address for all new and existing customers. For this application we require one original copy (we are not able to accept photocopies) from each table shown overleaf."

Well no tables were shown overleaf so I rang them. The perfectly pleasant young man having used the lucky thirteen digit application reference number from the letter said that he couldn't quite understand why the system was demanding a proof at all but it was. He asked that in that case, although it might seem a little daft would I be so kind as to enclose a bank statement with my signed form.

Salmon returning to spawn in the river of their birth? Coals to Newcastle? Can this protect us from Osama?